On Wings That Flutter
by Terra Rain
Summary: What happens when the one you love most dies? Eric/Steven slash
1. Reality Check

_I'm not going to say much except that this idea's been bugging me for the last couple of days and I finally sat down and wrote it all out in one- shot. *whew* It was fun though. I hope you like it and please, no flames. This is a slash between Eric and Steven. Just in case you didn't read the summary thing and got here because you thought the title was cool. Read on!_

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Part One: Reality Check

I had never thought that any one of us would die before we were old. I never thought that it would be Donna. I never thought that it wouldn't be me.

I admit it. I mean, I am skinny, and a dork, and stupid sometimes, but really, why did I get left behind? Why did Donna, who everybody loved, have to go?

Hyde came down into the basement the night after and found me sitting there in front of the TV. Not really watching it, but just having it on. He didn't say anything but he turned the TV off and led me back upstairs. I never forgot that night.

It all happened so fast really. I'm holding our engagement band in my hand. I don't want it. I throw it across the room. I should get up and find it, bring it to the jewelry store, make sure I don't loose it. But I don't care. I let my head fall down into the pillows.

There's a knock at the door. I pretend I don't exist. The last thing I want is someone to comfort me. They can't say anything; they don't know enough. They can't help.

It's Hyde. He doesn't say anything, just sits on the end of the bed and waits. He knows how to wait. He's never been very good with words.  
So he just sits there, waiting. I feel like a millennia has passed before I move so that he's hugging me. I'm crying and I can't help it. Hyde's there just rocking me, whispering into my hair that it's going to be all right. But how can it be all right? Nothing can go back to the way it was before. Jackie won't have anyone to talk to anymore. No one will punch Kelso for me again. No one with red hair is going to laugh and play basketball with us like any other guy-

And the list goes on.

Most of all, there will be no Donna for us to miss.

It's really late now, probably past midnight. I know Red and Kitty are asleep and that Hyde probably should be too. But I don't want him to leave. I don't want the light to be turned off. I don't want to be alone right now.

As if anticipating my thoughts, Hyde shifts a little and answers them.

"Go to sleep man, I'll be right here. I have to sleep in this same house, might as well sleep in your room." He pushes me over and we both lay stretched out on my bed. Me in yesterday's jeans and shirt and Hyde in a pair of sweats and an ACDC t-shirt. Two totally different worlds mixed together because we're both too scared to be alone. One too proud to admit it, and the other too scared to care.

I guess I'm not really alone.

But it feels like it.


	2. Scars That Can’t Show

Part Two: Scars That Can't Show

I wake up to feel Hyde hugging me. It makes me feel warmer to know someone cares about me. Someone who probably misses Donna about as much as I do.

I start to change into clean clothes and go downstairs when I stop. Tucking in the rest of my t-shirt I turn to look at Hyde. He's laying there, relaxed. I wonder if I look that peaceful when I'm asleep. I reach over to turn off the table lamp, it was on all night, and I catch a glimpse of Hyde's face. He's not wearing his glasses and looks so vulnerable without them. You can see his eyes, and his feelings, without those glasses on.

It's late. If we don't leave soon we'll be late for work.

"Hyde, Hyde. Wake up." I shake him slightly.

"What?" he asks, starting awake. "What time is it?"

"Late," is all I say. He looks at the clock. God he's so different when he's not hidden behind those glasses.

"Well, we better get going don't you think?" I nod and he hauls himself out of bed and downstairs to get a pair of jeans. I suddenly remember the engagement ring and start looking for it. In fact, I'm still looking for it when Hyde comes back upstairs and leans against the door frame. Black t-shirt and blue jeans. And glasses, I note with sorrow. The image of Zen, the image of nonchalance; unmovable and unshakable.

"What are you doing Forman?" It's strangely comforting. Only Hyde calls me Forman.

"Looking for - " I trail off as I hold up the engagement band. I suddenly pocket it like it burns. I don't want to see it.

"Lets get to work." I want to leave, now. Hyde nods once, almost imperceptibly, and leads the way down the hall. The ring is heavy in my pocket, burning a hole through it, the cold branding my skin.

And it hurts.


	3. Dreams Fly Out The Window

Part Three: Dreams Fly Out The Window

"Do you think there's such a thing as fate?" Hyde turns to look at me. We're sitting on the couch in the basement watching _Wheel of Fortune_ and the rest of the gang has left. My voice is slightly high pitched and I cough. Hyde grips his beer closer.

"I don't know Forman. I mean - everything's so complicated now." He rubs his forehead and takes off his glasses.

"Is this about, well, you know." He hates saying her name almost as much as I do. He's afraid he'll upset me again and none of us want that. I don't want that. Except after a couple months, it isn't as painful as it used to be. I still can't breathe right when I think about her, but it's numbed a bit. And Hyde helps numb the pain.

"No." I sigh, "I just wondered if there really is such a thing as fate." Hyde took a drink. He set the can down on the floor.

"Look Eric, I don't know. I ask myself everyday if she was supposed to live or die. I ask myself everyday why it had to be her. And the only thing I can think of is that it happened. I don't know why, and I don't care. All I care about is that Donna is gone and you're here. And I hate myself for thinking that but man, if you were gone, I...I don't know what I'd do." He looked up to meet my gaze. I swallowed. Everything, all my memories of Steven, come rushing back.

The helping when I was down, the hand holding, the pokes and prods. Almost getting caught stealing stuff from the drugstore. The first time I got high with him. The thunderstorm where we got caught in the abandoned garage and were too scared to go home. The first time I got incredibly drunk with Steven. The first time I met him. The time I broke my left arm falling off the fence around my neighbor's yard. The first time I kissed him.

We were kissing again, and this time he wasn't drunk and I was sure of what I wanted. This time there was less fumbling and nervous laughter and swearing to forget it. This time it was for real.

I kissed him open mouthed. Tongues intertwined, danced, and met again. Everything felt so good, so perfect.

Donna.

I pushed Steven away enough to break the kiss, shaking. Steven didn't move. I took a deep breath. I wanted to forget about Donna. I didn't want to forget Donna.

I wanted to think about Steven.

Steven brushed feather-light touch at my temple.

"I can't help you forget her Eric. I can't forget her." I nodded.

I fell asleep in his arms, happier even through the pain we shared. Donna was a memory as I brushed a light kiss on the side of his mouth and closed my eyes. It was a nice feeling. Warm and . . . protected.

That was an odd word. Protected. Safe. I had never felt that with Donna. I was too busy trying to be the one protecting her. It was nice, this feeling. This sense of uncomplicated. As my mind drifted to painted dreamscapes of black and gold, I thought I heard Steven whisper:

"It's the thought that counts Eric; how you remember things matters more than what happened."

I am not lost. I am found.

I am alive.

And there is Steven.

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And that's that I guess. I hope you like it. Please, no flames. If you send 'em, I'll take 'em off, and then feed them to my chimera. Oh, by the way, flames don't exactly hurt me. They only make you look silly, especially if you send them after all the warnings I put up. *shakes head* Well, better go, so lemme know what you think of this. Ta for now. ~*~Terra Rain~*~


End file.
